I am spending some time off the bicycle seat. To my great fortune, I am s
I returned to Seattle on the same day as planned, but the journey was a little more exciting than I had expected. Because public transportation wasn't going to be able to get me back to Seattle at a reasonable time, I decided to take a bus to Port Townsend and try my hand at hitch hiking. So I went to a hardware store, bought myself a sharpie, took some cardboard out of their recycling bin and made some nice bubble letters that said: Seattle? Bainbridge??
It was strange. Most folks wouldn't even look at me, not to mention read my sign. It occurred to me then that the thing to do when you see someone panhandling or anything of that sort, is to acknowledge them. Even if you don't plan to give anything, you should look at him or her, smile, nod, or give a thumbs up. But averting your eyes or ignoring is insulting. In my life I have often simply ignored the person standing on the corner, and for different reasons, I'm sure. Not wanting to make eye contact for fear that social psychological forces will compel me to feel guilt or discomfort and end up giving money is chief among them. But if I really don't want to give money or time, I should be sure of it (and myself) enough to be able to make a connection with the person. But not looking or ignoring is denying any human connection. It is making assumptions about the person, defaulting on heuristics that necessarily leave out trying to understand the person's situation. The man or woman holding the sign is still a person (and this is an important and obvious epiphany I have made working with the homeless), and being without certain things (car, home, hooch) is often only a matter of circumstance that really just affects the way the person appears in that moment.
Wow, I definitely didn't plan on writing that little manifesto, but I guess I'm glad I did.
So eventually I heard a voice coming from an old pick up truck wearing a canoe as a hat in the McDonald's parking lot. The guy inside asked me what I was doing, I told him I was injured from a bike tour and was trying to get back to Seattle. He stroked his goatee for a moment and said, "I guess I could go to Seattle." So I threw my load into his truck and he drove me back to his house. His name was Nate, he does construction, and he's done plenty of hitch hiking of his own. He has a baby (almost 2) named Israel. After we unloaded the truck and took the cooler full of the crabs he pulled up from his traps (he checks them twice a day in his canoe), we rode bik
The first day back in Seattle I went out to lunch with the cousins and had my first crumpet. Those are really good. My sister, Jessica was so right. That night I slept in Chelsea's bed and he slept in the front yard (her choice) and I woke up from the most vivid dream. Perhaps I am showing too much of the nether regions of my psyche, but I will share this dream.
I spent the entire dream going through normal life situations, but in deep, self pitying depression. Everything I did seemed to fail and bad luck happened upon me at every turn. I would break down in deep sobs and wander directionless and useless. At some point I was in the desert with the boys and Devin was cracking eggs. I wanted to crack one, as in some strange dream logic, a successful egg would redeem my worth in some way. Devin warned me not to drop it. Well I cracked the egg right into the sand. That was it for me. I walked away and sat down next to this demolished graffiti'd building. A shirt with graffiti caught my eye. It said:
Love.
Yes, or no?
Well, then in the dream, it hit me. Love apparently is something that can be chosen. Which means it is an action, rather than something that happens to you or someone. A verb, rather than a noun. And it was clear that I needed to make the choice to give myself love and thus I would grow, secure in my worth and value, being able to spread love where ever I go.
So I have been thinking about love a bit lately, with help from a book I am reading called "All About Love" by bell hooks. It's good stuff.
Today I took a bike ride around Seattle and my knee started hurting pretty badly. That was frustrating because I was on a bike that fits me. See, I traded bikes with Chelsea, as she is going to work on a farm for the rest of the summer. This replacement bike fits much better, but apparently my knee doesn't discriminate against different bikes. Fortunately, Marvin is a doctor and after some poking and prodding, informed me that I have damaged some cartilage under my knee and need to rest and do some simple strengthening exercises.
Well, gosh. So of course, I called up the boys who are in Vancouver and told them to take their time on their trip. No need to come back to Seattle for a while. I wonder when I will become a burden for my cousins. I think tomorrow I will start looking through craigslist to see if I can find some work. Maybe picking berries??
Well, I have said too much. Thanks for making it this far down the page with me.
If you're reading this, I probably miss you. But I am enjoying this down time and getting to know my cousins. I am eating exceptionally well and feeling pretty good about things. My head is rather clear and my lungs are enjoying the fresh air here.
David, out!
3 comments:
i love reading these blogs, i hope they will keep coming!!!! everything you say sounds wise and resonates with me on my own adventures here in the concrete jungle of our nation's capital. your dream sounds so full of symbolism and messages. sometimes (most times... hell, all the time) i don't even know what to do with all the love i have inside of me. i'm so glad things are falling into place so serendipetously. sending lots of hugs and much, much love to you sweet babydavid!
David, you are so smart and durable. It's funny, because even though you are entirely across the country, I feel closer to you than when we are in the same house. I guess it's unfair though, because it's a one sided perspective, but maybe some day I'll "blog" and you can have your turn =)
Anyhow, I wanted you to know that I have been thinking about you constantly and am really proud of you and how you are taking everything in stride and learning all the right things at the right time and being open to the ways that open. Call me if you ever want to chat. I miss you and love you and will continue thinking about you as you venture on. Say hi to the family out there for me.
Much love, Gaki
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